


All Alone

by lmontyy



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Character Death, Death, Despair, Ellie - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, TLOU, The Last of Us - Freeform, dina - Freeform, dina x ellie, ellie and dina, ellie x dina, please dont hate me, the last of us 2, the last of us part 2 - Freeform, this is really sad im just warning yall now, tlou 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:14:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24365641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmontyy/pseuds/lmontyy
Summary: It had finally sunk in with her that Dina was gone.Dina was gone and she wasn’t coming back. Nobody had taken her away, and she hadn’t left willingly. She knew Dina was somewhere out there, somewhere in the universe, missing her.But this was only the start of this awful process.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 93





	All Alone

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: HEAVY ANGST, CHARACTER DEATH, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, AND PTSD.
> 
> This fic is inspired by "lovely" by Billie Eilish.
> 
> This is a very sad fic, and I am so sorry that I was feeling angsty enough to write this hehe

How long had passed since she’d seen Dina last? It had been merely a day, but to Ellie it had felt like weeks of long, agonizing battles within herself, trying to grasp every bit and piece of Dina from her memory, as hours of disbelief had left her mind empty and colder than the worst arctic blizzards she’d ever faced.

War raged on in her mind, clawing at the sides of her brain and bruising against her skull. Her house was dull and quiet. It reeked of emptiness and despair in every room, every corner that had once been so full of warmth and love that it made her sick to her stomach. What she wouldn’t give for the restless sea storms to calm the waves of her mind, and keep them from sucking her deeper into the ocean of caving darkness she felt within.

_Fuck,_ she cursed, completely alone in the empty living room. None of the lights were on and it was so, so eerily quiet. The silence was terrorizing.

She would never get that image out of her head – when that bullet cracked through the spring air, she was filled with nothing but absolutely disgusting dread that ravaged her body like a mountain lion was eating her flesh raw.

Horrible torrents of anxiety plagued her, swept her and drowned her like a flash flood on the roads of the cities and suburbs. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

She was as still as death on the couch in the dark room, but her mind ran for its life from the horrible, traumatizing images of the day before. The blood, the flesh, the way the bullets had ripped through perfect, soft skin that she got to touch every day…

_Fuck, I need to stop._

Tears poured down her cheeks like waterfalls, each one filled with rage and hate and angst that had her entire body quivering in effect. God, how she wished for Dina to come around the corner from the hallway or the kitchen of their home, with a bright smile, those glowing eyes that captured her with every gaze, and a warm embrace that would last hours into the night. How she wished that Dina’s limp body could’ve picked itself up off the floor and out of the pool of soaking blood and walked back home with the rest of the patrol.

_Please, I need to fucking stop._

_“What’s wrong, dork?”_ Her voice would never leave even the darkest corners of her mind – it would always be completely imprinted on her like she had been branded with the hottest iron and whipped with the strongest ropes, and that same pain flowed through her hearing that adorable voice break through the darkness. _“What’s on your mind?”_

_No, please, please fucking stop._

_“What’s got you so upset, Freckles?”_ She could’ve sworn she’d watched a shadow emerge in the doorframe of the kitchen leading into the living room. She could’ve sworn she’d heard the back door open, too, but she was petrified by the way the shadow stood in the doorway.

Curling her legs into her upper torso and throwing her hands up to grab her head, the racing of her heart and mind completely possessed her entire body – leaving her in a tearing panic that had her body shaking so hard that the couch was following suit.

They had just been riding. The two of them had just separated from the rest of the group on a quick patrol of the woods that was supposed to be quick and easy and fun. Clear out some of the infected, check for supplies, maybe even take out a deer, if they got lucky. Up on the horses, they were talking and laughing and everything was fine and safe and wonderful.

Until it wasn’t.

When the gunfire cracked, Ellie never felt her body freeze with such horror in all her life. When she heard the crash of a body against the ground, she never felt all of her nerves go numb all at once. Starting at her feet and rocketing up her body, when she saw Dina’s stunned body on the dirt floor, every nerve in her brain collapsed and suddenly, she couldn’t feel a thing.

She was quick to tumble off her horse and into a dazed battle position, the only thoughts whirling through her mind was the incoming gunfire and Dina’s limp body on the ground only a few feet away from her. The image of Dina had completely blocked her mind from focusing on the deadly danger in front of her, and more than anything did she want to run through the gunfire and slide beside her, check if she was okay, check if she was hit, or, most importantly, _check if she was fucking alive._

Her sobs choked out from the back of her throat, which clawed to keep them secluded and down under. She was back in the dark living room, her mind had finally processed the reality around her, but still couldn’t make out the figure that had gotten closer to her.

_“Ellie, I’m right here, are you okay?”_

_Please stay away,_ she wanted to beg and plead. _Please don’t come near me. You’re not real, this isn’t you._ No words came from past her lips – she couldn’t bear to speak through her sobs. She could only curl up tighter into a ball, and grab the sides of her head even harder, hoping it would somehow protect her from the shadow coming closer.

Her mind launched her back into the painful memory, the one she’d pleaded to never have to revisit. But in her time of anxiety, her begging was futile.

_Dina,_ she remembered calling out, frantic and stricken with a wild frenzy that had her maneuvering to get closer to her. _Dina, are you okay?_

There was no response. It was like the horrifying hands of death sprung from the grave to grab at her throat, choking her up with panic and despair, and the primal need to run for Dina completely overtook her.

When she heard more rounds of gunshots echo into the forest and into the air and when she watched the ambush of Seraphites fall one after the other and turn in surprise toward the trees, all of the adrenaline in her system threw her forward, launching her toward the girl she loved who was motionless on the ground.

Just as she was reaching her, the source of the gunshot that had taken Dina down became known, as a man in the Seraphite trench coat came out from behind an old, abandoned car and tried to fire right at Ellie, which only landed itself in the flesh of Dina’s horse, a sickening cry of pain from the animal sounding out before it collapsed onto the ground.

_“Ellie, baby, talk to me.”_

_No, no, no, get the fuck away from me._ More sobs choked out in replacement of words, tearing down the very walls to her soul. _Please, I just want Dina. Please, just give her back. Why did you take her?_ Her grip only got tighter on her head as the tears poured out past her lids and her lip curled into a snarl, sobs forcing their way out through gritted teeth and a running nose.

_“I’m right here.”_

_No, you’re fucking not! I saw it… I watched it happened, I saw you!_

Ripping her pistol out of the holster attached at her waist, she didn’t even take the time to aim before the bullet went right through the man’s skull, and his limp body hit the ground with a thud and a sickening rattle pushed its way past his lips as he laid there, dead in seconds. She didn’t even have it in her to check if he was dead – once the shot rang from her magnum, she was running back to Dina.

That’s when she saw them.

Bullets littered across her front and side; shotgun pellets exploded through tender skin. Tearing right through her clothes and imbedding into her skin, she saw the immeasurable number of bloodied wounds that seeped through the fabric, caused by each bullet that was buried into her abdomen.

_Oh, fuck, fuck, no, this is bad._ She didn’t even know where to start applying pressure to all the sickening wounds. _No, this is so fucking bad._ Her eyes were lulled, her mouth cracked open and jaw hanging. Her face looked so peaceful, yet the look of horrified shock was riddled across it.

_Dina, please._ Ellie begged aloud, pressing hard on the bloodier, deeper ones. Shaking hands reached back and fumbled with the zipper of her backpack, which she’d thrown on the ground. Once it was open, she tore it apart looking for the medical kit at the bottom. _Dina, please, wake up._

The breaths that followed were shallow and cold. She could hardly see the rise and fall of her chest, nor could she see any movement in her face or body. The only indicator that she was alive was her chest moving, and even that was so minuscule that anyone else would’ve missed it and pronounced her dead. But not Ellie. Ellie was grasping onto any stroke of evidence that Dina was alive – she was desperate to keep that spark fueled in the flame that still weakly burned within her lover.

_Dina, fuck, please. Please get up._ Her voice was cracking and pleading – it was so desperate and pained that she’d never heard herself shatter like this. Tears started rolling down her face, her body bent over Dina’s limp one, causing the tears to roll to the tip of her nose and jaw and fall flat against Dina. Still, there was no movement. _Please don’t go._

The cold air of the living room brought her back to reality. Now, the figure was hovering above her. It was dark and terrifying. She was sure it was real now. She knew it was real – but it was not Dina.

_Why did you take her away from me?_ Ellie sobbed, the words plaguing her head and she wished more than anything to say them aloud, but she couldn’t. Her throat felt like it was closing, and the desperate hyperventilating had burnt her lungs left of any air. _Why did she have to go? How could she leave me?_

_“I didn’t leave you, sweetheart. I’m right here.”_

_No, no you’re fucking not,_ Ellie cursed in her head at the voice of the girl she missed so much. _You’re not fucking here…_

Ellie remembered pressing down on the pulse point in her neck. She remembered feeling how weak it was.

_You’re not fucking here…._

She remembered what it felt like to watch Dina’s chest stop rising and falling. The panic she felt running rampant through her like an infection when the breath stopped pushing past her lips.

_You’re not fucking here because…_

The figure’s hand reached out. It was coming closer and closer and just as its hand placed against Ellie’s arm, she remembered what it felt like when the pulse in Dina’s neck went dead silent.

_…Because you’re fucking dead!_

“Ellie.”

The figure vanished like a puff of smoke into the air around her. The deep, raspy voice was so shocking, it nearly knocked the little wind that was left in her lungs out. Where the dark, brooding shadow once hovered, there was the overwhelming aura of familiarity in the tall body that stood in its place.

Shaking her from her traumatized trance, she slowly broke her stare into darkness and pulled her head from against her knees, looking up with the most broken eyes she’d ever borne to anyone in all her life.

“Oh, baby girl.”

The voice broke her. Everything inside her crashed, all of her walls came to the ground. Ugly sobs broke through the floodgates, followed by the largest, heaviest tears she’d ever cried in her life. Without an ounce of hesitation, she threw her arms around the waist of the body in front of her. A large, calloused hand made its way into a sea of auburn hair, tightening in the locks and bringing her closer.

Hugging as tight as she possibly could, she felt arms encircle her, and she watched a hard face fall with an onslaught of sympathy and sadness for the girl in front of him.

“Joel…” Ellie choked out on her sobs, hugging him as tightly as she’d ever hugged anyone, the tears staining the chest of his shirt, and he came down to one knee to kneel beside her, giving her access to throw thin arms around a strong neck.

“It’s okay, baby girl… It’s okay,” he hushed her with all the gentleness he possibly could in his calloused manner. “I’m so sorry.”

Joel had made his way in through the back door after hearing the news of Dina’s death. It was the first time he was seeing her since it had happened. Never in all the years they’d been together, had Ellie ever been this vulnerable in front of him. Even when she killed David when she was fourteen, or even when she’d seen the first Jackson townsfolk die. Never once had she ever fallen apart like this in front of him.

“It’s okay… I’m here now.”

Ellie was inconsolable. The ugly sobs of complete devastation and ruin continued for hours into the night. Dina’s voice had left her brain, replaced by the urged comfort of Joel. She held onto him for hours and hours as the memories replayed, and finally it sunk in with her that Dina was gone.

Dina was gone and she wasn’t coming back. Nobody had taken her away, and she hadn’t left willingly. She knew Dina was somewhere out there, somewhere in the universe, missing her.

But this was only the start of this awful process.

**Author's Note:**

> This broke me to write btw, but thank you for reading!


End file.
